Peggy Bayer - Bonus Speedball

Tonight there was the opportunity to enter the Speedball, a fun tournament played super-fast. The England players had been instructed to form teams with someone from another nation. This was an excellent idea, and might go some way to improving the public relations of the most hated team (from being so successful). 

However, I will be playing with Kevin from our Scotland side. He has been forced to play a simple Acol system in all the matches so far, so I have agreed we will instead play something a bit more complicated, to further handicap us in the limited-time format. My contribution is to insist on playing four weak twos. It will be a triumph if a weak two Clubs bid comes up (and we both remember it). 

I thought it would be a good thing as a coach to play some hands, so I am more sympathetic with the players when they make mistakes, and this did indeed turn out to be the case. The very first card I played was a lead out of turn. I then checked that they were playing Four Hearts. No, it was Four Spades. Making, wasn't it? No, one off. I was all over the place.

On the second board I sharpened up:

EW Vul S deal ♠ - ♥ x x x x x x ♦ x ♣ Q x x x x x ♠ A K x ♥ A Q J x x ♦ K J x x x ♣ -

Kevin Danny W N E S 1♥ x 4♥ - 6♥

I opened 1♥, and after the double when Kevin shot to 4♥, raised to 6♥. After the Club lead I played the Ace of trumps (King didn't fall), used the Ace of Spades to throw a Diamond from dummy and cross-ruffed the rest. It's a strange hand as we've only got 20 points, and in fact most of them aren't useful. The only useful points are those in Hearts and the Ace of Spades.

After that I had visions that we might actually do quite well, and in fact we bid three more slams. 6♣=, 6NT+1, and 7♣x-2 after a Blackwood misunderstanding. But we had so many bad ones too. I messed up the system once, and criminally forgot about our four weak twos when Kevin opened a weak 2♣ and I assumed he was strong

We declared the majority of hands, usually doubled, and usually off. Three times we had an eleven card fit, but bid too high with almost identical distributions and our opponents chose correctly to defend. Two of those misadventures were against my bridge nemesis, the England captain Michael Byrne. The last time we played, at least ten years ago, he also took me three off doubled in 4♠. I wonder if he remembers. Although he's my only nemesis, he may have several nemeses, like a man who is the Best Man at many weddings, but an evil version of that.

In the end despite playing very quickly and bidding a lot we only managed 43.6%. Not very good, but good enough to award myself a consolation pint of Guinness, £6.80.

Later I found out that the English pairs, who had generously agreed to partner players from other countries, had placed large cash wagers on which paiir would finish higher in the final rankings, rather like lords saddling Scotsmen as horses and riding them around the paddock for amusement.

The winning pair were two of the senior coaches, Anne Hassan and Diane Greenwood, who seemed to be taking it far too seriously (an impressive 61%).

I may struggle to get up for breakfast tomorrow.